Gold

I wanted to be unfettered by life’s syllabi.
Do this, do that, now this for this until this time.

The truth is summer unmoors me
like a nameless ship, a shapeless is.

I wanted to be a free yogini, nothing
but stretching, breathing, sitting in
a silent crown all day, every day.

The truth is I pretend I am already
enlightened and choose lovemaking
over waking, and wake anyway.

I wanted to be the lonely woman writer
saying what other women don’t have time to say.

The truth is I hardly have time to say it,
and I’m rarely alone, even when I can be.

I wanted to tell every man
no from now on. No.

The truth is, a man saved me,
my everywhere ever his yes.

I wanted to leave this flat whispering place
for mountains and anonymity.

The truth is when I stay I learn a secret alchemy.
Lead is what writes me.